"I count myself one of the number of those who write as they learn and learn as they write." ~St. Augustine

Monday, September 21, 2009

Changing sky...shifting moods

The sky in Wales is always moving. It is really quite remarkable and like nowhere I have ever lived. I look up and never know what I will find at any given moment. ...Blue skies, grey skies, wispy clouds, puffy white clouds on the move through the blue sky... all in one day. The cloudy movements are amazing! It seems lately my moods are much like the Welsh sky.

My moods are always moving and changing. In one day I can have bright moments, grey moments and harried "wispy" moments. I woke up this morning feeling up and ready to start the week. I woke up and spent a significant time in God's word, praying and sitting in His presence. I felt love for my God, my family and energized! And, then the most insignificant thing changed this feeling in an instant. As silly as it sounds, it was the cell phone today. I couldn't figure out how to work my new cell phone--- the buttons, the pull down menus, ugh!--- I almost lost it! My mood shifted so fast. I was instantly annoyed and harried. From peace to frustration in a moment. Like the winds, the clouds and the color of the sky here, so were my moods. Shifting moods.

I really hate this about me. I so want this to be different. It isn't always as "bad" as it has been of late; but, certainly I can say I am always more affected by circumstances than I would like to be. What needs to change? What can I do to make this different? I can't change the sky in Wales. Can I change my shifting moods? Can I do anything?

As I sit here thinking I realize that all I can do is quickly see the shift and then react accordingly. In regards to Welsh weather, when I see the dark clouds on the horizon, I know I need to get outside quickly and get the laundry off the line. When I see the wind blowing and the clouds moving swiftly, I know it would be a good idea to bring a rain coat along on our outing. In fact, I know it is always a good idea to bring a rain coat along when you go out... even if the sky is blue new. Maybe this is what I need to do with my moods.

I did this the other day. I was frustrated with something (does it even matter what!?) and instantly annoyed. Instead of "responding" in angry words, huffs and stress, I actually lifted my hands to the Lord. A physical act of "response", a "rain coat" for the coming rain. I lifted my hands and said out loud, "I surrender Lord. I trust You Lord". Maybe that would have helped this morning. Had I put the phone down even for a few seconds, held up my hands and said, "I need You Lord to be my peace" Just a moment to put my rain coat on, and maybe my reaction would have been different. Maybe I wouldn't be so embarrassed, ashamed and sad at my response to the shifting moods. Hmmm...

Lord, teach me to see the winds of change as they approach (from without and within!) and to respond to them accordingly. I can't change the circumstances of life. I can't change my shifting moods, just as I can't change the Welsh sky. But, I can prepare for it and I can respond to it in a way that glorifies You. Teach me, Lord to carry my emotional and spiritual "rain coat"--- for You have given me armor! Your word says You have given me a helmet, a breastplate, a belt, a shield, shoes and a sword --- much better than any waterproof raincoat here!